Homecoming- Life After Death

“…B.I.G. didn’t get to see how this feels…” and lying from my ICU bed in East Georgia Medical Center, I often questioned if I would get a second chance.
When I first got sick in March, I figured I was just that, a temporary case of whatever. Then week two weeks and I developed serious chest pain and started spending more time at the doctor than I have the past four years combined. Week three followed and I was still no better.
March 31 was the start to my nearly month long stint in the hospital. I thought I was dying. Doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. Life looked grim. My hope had died. I could barely move from my bed and even when I could manage some strength I felt defeated and didn’t try to get up. That first night I was scared out of my mind. I cried. I prayed. I cried some more when my mom got there the next day. I didn’t want her to see me like that. Even she thought I was on my deathbed. There is nothing worse than being trapped in a room with someone who thinks you’re dying.
As March morphed into April I racked up my time in the hospital. I’m still surprised I didn’t spend my birthday in there. I’ve been trying to adjust since May, but that’s been hectic. I was forced to drop out of school, which broke my heart. I stopped writing because it just didn’t make sense anymore, like my words had lost all meaning and value to me. I was home and people kept treating me like I was severely handicapped. I had to repeat myself, reminding everyone that I was capable. I felt like a burden at home, constant prescription refills and doctor visits, stressing that I might become sick again, people acting like I was contagious. It’s been hard and I don’t think I’ve fully accepted the diagnosis of Lupus-and House said “It’s never lupus”- but until proved otherwise that’s the reality in which I live. I’m happy to be alive and I’m glad to have another chance to make new experiences.
But today was like my real Homecoming. I’m back in Statesboro and in my own apartment. I feel like I’ve got the part of me back that I’ve been missing. I’m back to my real life. Summer classes start in the next week, I have a job interview too, and music classes to look forward to in the fall. I’ve found some weird inspiration in being back, so I’m going to take full advantage of it. I know there’s more to come.