Pretty Wings

I’m flying SOLO and damn it feels good. I’m taking some much needed time off from being in a relationship. It’s too big of a commitment at the moment and I don’t need that kind of stress in my life, especially not now. I have my health to worry about. I have to take care of me right now. I’m my main priority.
For the past two months I’ve had time to reflect on myself and past relationships. And even though I want to regret some decisions I’ve made, I can’t. They were all things that I wanted at the time and if I regret those moments, then I’m denying a part of me. All have been experience that I’ve learned valuable lessons from and with each failed relationship I’ve learned a little more about myself.
Like for instance, with my ex I put most of the blame on him for the demise of us and minimized my credit in the whole affair. I recently realized that I was completely to blame-well not completely-but it was my actions, my repeated forgiving that brought about his actions. I still think I should’ve left after I first doubted the union. I stayed, thinking I was being the bigger person. I stayed because I thought I was making this COURAGEOUS stand for love. I stayed because i was “in love.” And each time he did something unacceptable those were the reasons I used to convince myself to go back, to stay. When a person realizes that you’ll give a hundred tries they tend to take advantage of the situation. I had made myself vulnerable.
I’m happy with putting love on the back burner. I know I’m capable... “Everything in its right time, everything in its right place...” The next time I don’t want to have security issues, I don’t want to be jealous, I don’t want to have to worry about crossing state lines, and I don’t want to make to make the same mistakes. I’m in no rush. I’m on official PLAYA status...lol. I still have a game of hide & seek I have yet to finish and look forward to doing so, I’m still having fun. Being single gives me the freedom that at 22 I feel I should have. So I’m spreading my wings...my declaration of independence, right now a star's in the ascendant.